Where have you been?

Since I wrote that last post, a whole lot of things have happened.  Who would think?

So, it turned out that I had ulcers.  For real.  Not the "you're giving me ulcers, shut up," kind of thing, but real live ulcers.  And damned if the doctor didn't cure me.  Nexium is my friend.  So I started taking Nexium and quit taking my daily overdose of Advil & Alka Seltzer, and my ulcers are healed.  Which is good, except that I have gained a little weight back.  Bummer.

But, the real bummer came a little later.  It seems that my gall bladder, which was removed in November, didn't cause my unusual blood tests.  After a lot of testing and wondering and panicking, it turns out that I have an auto-immune disease called Primary Biliary Cirrhosis.  Serious bummer.  I will know more later after a biopsy, but right now, it looks like I've got a while to be my old whiny self until I really get sick.

Now, what does this have to do with food? 

Since PBC is an inflamation of the bile ducts, and since some people think inflamation is a problem with lots of diseases, I've decided to try an anti-inflamatory diet.  Sort of.  Those things are brutal.

First:  lots of fruits and vegetables.  That's not a problem, since I love fruits and vegetables.  Some people (I hear) are sensitive to plants in the nightshade family, like tomatoes, eggplants, and potatoes, but I don't think I am.  At least, I'm going to act like I'm not and continue to eat those veggies. 

Second:  not so much meat.  A little chicken, some fish, a little dairy.  Now, this is where I diverge.  I love dairy.  I eat Chobani Greek yogurt every single day.  Maybe twice a day.  And I use the plain yogurt instead of mayonnaise (which I'd like to keep eating as much as possible, but that seems to be on every one's no-no list.)  While I can give up red meat fairly easily, I will not give up cheese, yogurt, and skim milk.  I hope that won't be a problem.

Third: other types of protein are good.  Tofu, beans and rice, quinoa.  OK, I'll be working with that.

Something I read suggested that too much protein might be bad for me right now.  I will talk to my doctor about that.  I think I'll go visit a dietitian.  My insurance won't pay for that, of course.  It's a cheap way to avoid future medical expenses, but no, they won't cover it.  Oh well.

Fourth:  not so much processed food.  That is something I've been working on for awhile.  Unless it's Greek food, the ingredients shouldn't be Greek.  Or Latin.  Or whatever those chemicals are named in.  So, no Twinkies.  This is not a problem.  Snickers... that's another story.

Today, I am eating blueberry yogurt, a rainbow of fruit (strawberries, peach, pineapple, grapes, and blueberries), and a burrito made with guacamole, hamburger (I know, red meat), cheese, spices, and salsa on a whole wheat tortilla.  I am drinking watered-down blueberry/pomegranate juice.  I'll probably eat birthday cake for dinner, but I'm working on that weak link there.

And so I begin my journey into interesting food that is good for me.  I'll try to be interesting as well.

What I can eat

I went to the doctor the other day because of some "issues" that showed up at my annual physical.  He asked if I had lost weight, or if my appetite was different.

"I said, well, yes, I've lost weight.  And my appetite is not as large as it used to be.  But..."

and I stopped.

"This is very important... " I really truly said.

"Unless I am about to die, if this is caused by illness, I do not want you to cure me until I lose another 20 or 30 lbs."

This is the thing:  I don't really feel sick except for some pesky heart burn.  I can't eat a whole lot at a time without becoming uncomfortable, but is that terrible?  I mean, I am 5'4".  I don't need a whole lot of calories.

And not being hungry makes it easier for me to choose better food.  I'm not starving.  I don't have to settle for the saltine crackers in the back of the cabinet.  I can take the time to think about what I want... to eat intuitively and not impulsively.

Since I don't recommend the "get sick and die" diet (I am not dying any more than usual, so don't freak out on me), how does this translate to real life eating?

I think it depends on you and your personality style.  One option is to plan meals in advance and have the food ready to be prepared and eaten.  Although you can't plan for what your body will really need, you do know that a nice mix of colors is good.  If you notice you are liking a lot of orange, plan for extra orange. 

I can't do that, though.  My mind revolts against pre-planning and order.  It's painful, since there is another part of my mind that would like to take a 2012 calendar and spend January 1st writing EVERYTHING that is going to happen all year long.  I'm still working on that... BUT...

My best option is to have a choice of healthy snacks that I really like, not the ones I'm supposed to like.  I am able to go by the grocery store on the way to work and buy fruit and veggies and something for lunch.  If I don't, I have peanut granola bars that will keep me from sucking down the saltines in the back of the cabinet.  And because I get full really fast, I make sure to pick protein & a variety of colors first.  I don't need the fillers as much right now, so I stay on the low end of number of servings of whole grain stuff.

This really sounds great when I write it out.  Isn't that cool?

Intuition or Indulgence?

Have you noticed that diets are about what you can't eat?  I hate to hear people say, "if it tastes good it must be bad for you."  And I feel sad when I see people who spend their entire life on a diet, in a constant battle with themselves, their desires, and their bodies.  Is that a way to live?

As we've said, Eating the Angel Way is about eating intuitively:  good food your body wants and needs.  But if you look up "intuitive eating" on the web, you'll see a lot of arguments against it.  The thought is that if we eat intuitively, we'll eat Snickers sandwiches and butter-cheese balls all day and all night.  Then we'll die.

As I see it, the problem here is semantics.  "Intuitive" does not mean "indulgent" or "urgent."  Eating intuitively doesn't mean eating whatever we feel the urge to eat.  Intuitive is eating what our bodies are really really telling us we want and need.  Intuition is a quiet internal voice. 

Indulgences or urges are most likely loud external voices.  The commercial on TV with piles and piles of pancakes covered in whipped cream and syrup in flavors like pumpkin and eggnog and extra chocolate chocolate pie.  The clock that says NOON which we know means lunch time.  The extra long barbecue buffet bar where we have to eat enough to make it worth the money.  The person who looks like our mother yelling at us, which makes us reach for the Chunky Monkey and pound bag of peanut m&ms.

And so, if I have the urge for a rooty-tooty-fresh-and-fruity pancake platter, I need to listen to my intuition.  I need to shut off the television, shut out the mother-like person yelling at me, turn away from the clock.  I need to ask, what do I really want?

Love?  A hug?  Something festive?  Something sweet?

And when I am getting hungry, I can think about what I want to eat.  I picture myself eating the pumpkin whipped cream pancake and bacon.  I think about the taste (hmmm, not what I'd hoped); I think about how I feel afterward (ooohhh... Alka Seltzer.  And Dawn to rinse the grease...).  I think, a spinach and strawberry salad with raspberry vinaigrette would be really good.  And a carrot cake cupcake with cream cheese icing.   And of course, I might think, yeah, I want the pumpkin whipped cream pancake.

I told you everything that's good isn't bad for you.