Reality Check

After complaining, sort of, about not losing weight, I decided to give myself a reality check.

Although I know the benefit of listing what you eat, at least in the beginning, I really suck at it. I think it may be that I don't want to face the music. And let's be real: if you eat two rainbows, two chili dogs, chicken nuggets, a half a bag of Doritos, and a bowl of ice cream, you are eating TOO MUCH. In fact, two rainbows can be too much if that rainbow includes a pint or two of each fruit. What did we say about moderation?

For today, tomorrow, and Saturday, I am going to write down everything I eat, including portions. I am going to put that list on an Excel spreadsheet (because that's the kind of person I am) and analyze, examine, and observe what, when, why and how I am eating.

Three days is probably not enough time, but that's too bad. Because I know I won't be able to keep it up longer than that.

In addition, I am going to take my medicine like I'm supposed to & move more. I'll see about the yoga class today.

This is my time to think.

Rainbow update

It is not hard to eat a rainbow or two a day in South Carolina in the summer. I think I've said that before. Many days I'll have a complete rainbow in fruits and another in vegetables. The blueberries are particularly good.

I brought home about two dozen tomatoes from my boss's office garden yesterday, and I'm trying to decide what to do with them. Salad and sandwiches of course. I thought about a tomato pie or a tomato sauce. Salsa, maybe. I have okra too, so I could make stewed tomatoes and okra if anyone would eat that other than me. Maybe I'll make gumbo.

I go about my life, eating rainbows and avoiding some of the things that don't make me feel good in the long run (although in the short run, they make me very happy.) I am not losing weight, though. I'm not sure whether it's padding to deal with stress or just stubborn fat.

I do know this: I need to move more. Yeah, it's 99 degrees in the shade at 8 am, but I need to get more activity in my life. That's where I'm going to put my efforts for now. Maybe I can dance with the babies. Or by myself. I'm not proud.

We'll see.

Fresh tomatoes and Havarti cheese

I am almost a vegetarian these days. Not on purpose, because I do like meat, but because that's not what I feel like eating these days.

I am eating a lot of lower fat dairy products. Skim milk, cheese (Havarti is my favorite at the moment), Greek yogurt (thank you Piggly Wiggly), cottage cheese. I had shrimp left overs, and I'm hoping that won't come back to haunt me later today. When in doubt, throw it out. But it's hard to throw out shrimp salad.

The tomatoes in my garden may be ready as we speak. If not, there will be a couple by this afternoon. We've had heavy rains for the last couple of days, and that is a good thing in the summer in South Carolina. Yesterday, I picked a half dozen tomatoes from the garden at work and used one to make a tomato and cheese on whole wheat Nan sandwich. It was yummy and so messy that I used eight of the cheap napkins.

It looks like it will rain all day today. I wonder what rainbows this will bring?

Moderation noun

My son said that when he's under stress he doesn't eat. I know a lot of people like that. Skinny people.

When I am under stress, I eat, but only stuff that is really yucky. OK, I did eat peach ice cream with homemade apricot jelly on it, but that is as close to a wise choice as I got. I am still dutifully logging my shredded iceberg lettuce and tomatoes. At least the tomatoes are good this time of year.

In what is to me an AHA! moment and to most everyone on the planet a DUH? moment, I realized I need to quit buying or allowing my shoppers to buy the chips and the cookies and the cheese nips. None of us need that and I can't refuse it if it's here.

This is the problem (mentally):

1. I don't believe in BAD food, and if a food is labeled BAD, I crave it.
2. I know that some foods are poor choices. Foods with more than two inches of ingredients, most of which are in Latin, for instance. Anything with the first ingredient "sodium" something. Processed cheese-type food.
3. I know that even good things should be enjoyed in moderation.
4. I don't know the meaning of the word moderation.

And so, let us think, think, think (sorry Blues Clues overdose):

mod·era·tion (mäd′ər ā′s̸hən) noun

• a moderating, or bringing within bounds
• avoidance of excesses or extremes
• absence of violence; calmness moderation

Synonyms Restraint, toleration, steadiness, sobriety, coolness, the golden mean, temperateness, quiet, temperance, lenity, patience, sedation, fairness, justice, constraint, forbearance, reasonableness, dispassionateness, poise, balance; see also restraint 1.

Those things do sound peaceful, don't they?

They are words which represent ideals that I believe I value, but which our society often perceives as weak, boring, sedate (that's one of the words, isn't it?)

I feel as if I am arguing with myself. A younger self who wanted to save the world and fight every fight and eat every sandwich and who was very passionate about everything from love to war to a large plate of pasta.

Now, I just want a peaceful place. In my head, in my heart, in my home. I'll stand up for what is right and help people when I can, but from a quiet place. A place of patience, constraint, tolerance, poise, balance, and fairness. An infinitely stronger place than the battlefield.

But then I wonder if I have just gotten old and tired instead of wise. The hurricane still rages. Even when I find the quiet place in the eye, I can hear the winds.

Ever have a blog entry get away from you? Oh well.

Red food

I am in serious need of some red food. I'm not sure how that fits in the chakra --- the base? I guess my foundations need shoring up.

There is a watermelon in a cooler at home and it is calling my name. The strawberries are pretty and sweet. "Stawbeh" is baby Gabe's second favorite fruit, after "Nana." And now that I think of it, I'll bet there's a tomato in the garden behind my office...

All of that sweet fruit (yes, tomatoes are fruit). Outdoor food... the kind you eat in a chair with your face leaning forward over your lap so you only get the juice on your face and arms and neck and not your cute white summer shorts. Just rub the dirt off the tomato and bite into it. Share the drippings with the ants... Pop the strawberries in your mouth and chew as the juice drips out. Are we filming the vampire movie yet? Sweet and wet and better than juicy juice.

Man I need some red food.