Moderation noun

My son said that when he's under stress he doesn't eat. I know a lot of people like that. Skinny people.

When I am under stress, I eat, but only stuff that is really yucky. OK, I did eat peach ice cream with homemade apricot jelly on it, but that is as close to a wise choice as I got. I am still dutifully logging my shredded iceberg lettuce and tomatoes. At least the tomatoes are good this time of year.

In what is to me an AHA! moment and to most everyone on the planet a DUH? moment, I realized I need to quit buying or allowing my shoppers to buy the chips and the cookies and the cheese nips. None of us need that and I can't refuse it if it's here.

This is the problem (mentally):

1. I don't believe in BAD food, and if a food is labeled BAD, I crave it.
2. I know that some foods are poor choices. Foods with more than two inches of ingredients, most of which are in Latin, for instance. Anything with the first ingredient "sodium" something. Processed cheese-type food.
3. I know that even good things should be enjoyed in moderation.
4. I don't know the meaning of the word moderation.

And so, let us think, think, think (sorry Blues Clues overdose):

mod·era·tion (mäd′ər ā′s̸hən) noun

• a moderating, or bringing within bounds
• avoidance of excesses or extremes
• absence of violence; calmness moderation

Synonyms Restraint, toleration, steadiness, sobriety, coolness, the golden mean, temperateness, quiet, temperance, lenity, patience, sedation, fairness, justice, constraint, forbearance, reasonableness, dispassionateness, poise, balance; see also restraint 1.

Those things do sound peaceful, don't they?

They are words which represent ideals that I believe I value, but which our society often perceives as weak, boring, sedate (that's one of the words, isn't it?)

I feel as if I am arguing with myself. A younger self who wanted to save the world and fight every fight and eat every sandwich and who was very passionate about everything from love to war to a large plate of pasta.

Now, I just want a peaceful place. In my head, in my heart, in my home. I'll stand up for what is right and help people when I can, but from a quiet place. A place of patience, constraint, tolerance, poise, balance, and fairness. An infinitely stronger place than the battlefield.

But then I wonder if I have just gotten old and tired instead of wise. The hurricane still rages. Even when I find the quiet place in the eye, I can hear the winds.

Ever have a blog entry get away from you? Oh well.