A lesson from a stray cat

I once had a cat named Chigger who my mother had rescued from the Rottweiler next door. Chigger was a ginger tabby with a sweet disposition. You wouldn't know he'd been on his own. Unless you left a plastic bag of something on the table.

Chigger would chew through plastic anything and at least try what was inside. It took me a few days to realize that I couldn't leave bread on the counter unless I wanted several cat sized bites take out of various parts of the loaf. He always made several tries at it, as if he thought a different portion would taste better.

On day I received a silk sweater in the mail... I'd ordered it for my aunt for Christmas. I laid it on the table, still wrapped in the plastic in which it had been shipped. I came home from work and... yes.. Chigger had eaten it. Not all of it, just three or four holes to see if maybe the sleeve tasted better than the cowl.

Now, what lesson did I learn, other than "Put away your stuff?"

I learned what happens when a creature is denied food even for a little while as a young kitten. Chigger had learned that food comes in plastic, mostly garbage bags. And even though he had a bowl of cat food that was always full, he still went after anything in plastic. As god as his witness, he would never go hungry again. (He would eat turnips, though.)

I have been thinking about Chigger recently, in different contexts, in different ways. When I read today's post on Eating the Angel Way, I thought about him again and it sort of came together.

Annie writes:

it took me a few tries to stop wanting to eat a plateful of potatoes, but there
came a point when, as i was putting them on my plate, i actually paused and
remembered how stuffed i started to feel after eating about half of my usual
portion size. and then a minor miracle happened - for me anyway - i CHOSE of my
own volition to put a reasonably-sized "serving size" portion - on my plate of a
food that previously the only way i could control myself with it was to deny
myself. the Angels had helped me to learn what my body felt like when IT had
"enough" and i was able to choose THAT feeling over the less-healthy one, not
because anyone told me i had to - but because i liked it. and i was satisfied
with it.. and, what was even more of a miracle - i didn't go back for
seconds.

It occurred to me that when I serve myself a reasonable "serving" with the intent of EATING RIGHT, I don't think of what I have, I think of what I don't have. I think of all of that wonderful food that someone else will eat if I don't get it first. I have never every been starving (except for the colonoscopy preps & a couple of fad diets). I can afford to buy just about anything I want (as long as I continue not to want truffles & caviar). The food will be there when I want it. So what's this about?

I'll think on that awhile.

Never say diet

I've heard from lots of people dozens of people a couple of people who have mentioned their Diets. I don't like to use that word, except in a very generic way or in relation to Diet Coke. Why? Because whenever I hear or read the word Diet, I get hungry.

I may have mentioned this... but I once worked with a woman who went on a medifast type diet. She bought $300 worth of shakes and bars and other really yucky looking stuff. She ate that at work. I felt compelled to make up for the imbalance in the food vortex by eating chili cheese dogs with extra onions. I don't know if she lost weight (other than from her wallet) but I gained weight. I was sort of pissed at myself, too, because I'd lost 20 lbs by eating mindfully and asking myself, "Do you really want the chili cheese dog with extra onions? Does it want you? OK, then, do you really want TWO?"

To all dieters (and to paraphrase Leonard Cohen, who was not talking about dieting): I've been where you're hanging and think I can see how you're pinned. I have Dieted. I have lost and I have regained. I have even fasted for very short periods of time (not counting the colonoscopy prep).

I was first told I was fat when I was about 6. I think the word was "baby fat" but let me tell you a secret. I wasn't fat. I wasn't even chubby. When I think about this now, I'm pissed off even more. Too bad being ticked doesn't use that many calories.

When I was in middle school, a time full of memories I had mostly repressed, my friend told me that fat girls like us shouldn't wear our shirts tucked in. Even though I knew she wasn't fat (maybe a little square shaped), I bought it and wore my shirt out for the next ... oh twenty years. I also wore those horrible smock things that were so popular in the mid-70s middle school crowd (along with "wings" in the hair). Who doesn't look fat in that?

I went through school thinking of myself as fat. After all, I couldn't see my feet. Of course, that might have been because I had breasts. I'm wondering if that might have had something to do with why my mom and my friends suggested I wear mumus. Hmmmm...

My parents often dieted, although I wasn't sure why Mom thought she needed to lose weight, and Dad seemed to gain weight when he dieted. I remember the weight charts on the wall of the bathroom. (See where I got my love of charts & other visual aids?) Dieting was what you did.

I remember my first diet book: Susan Dey writing about how she went from being a chubby kid to a svelte star of the Partridge Family. I followed her plan, although I can't remember what it was. I'm sure it involved salads with no dressing and dry toast. I shudder to think.

I tried the Woman Doctor's diet for Women. That was harsh. She seemed to believe that women are just fat sponges and the only way to defeat that is to avoid any food that tastes good. I did learn something from that book. Women and men are different (duh, they say, that explains the three children). No really... as Annie discusses in her post men are like raindrops, women are like snowflakes, men and women gain and lose weight differently. It took me awhile to figure out the part about how each woman gains and loses differently.

Although that plan was very restrictive, it was probably better than some of the other ones I've done.

• The grapefruit diet (self-explanatory)
• The dead doctor diet (Scarsdale diet, right after he'd been shot by his mistress the school mistress. Very specific diet and if she was on it, it explains her rage.)
• Low carb when low carb wasn't cool. (Think "all the cool whip you can eat.")
• Low carb when it was cool. I gained 10 lbs on the South Beach diet.
• The Duke rice diet (not at Duke.)
• The eat-one-lean-cuisine a day, ride an exercise bike for an hour a day and then go to Group Therapy and drink lots and lots of light beer until closing. I lost a good bit of weight on this one, but the side effects were unpleasant. I don't really remember them, but some people have pictures.

So now I try to learn the lessons of years of dieting.

This, I know:

1. I can only lose weight for myself.
2. If I lose weight, I won't suddenly be an extrovert, an organized person, or a ballerina.
3. If something is forbidden, I WANT IT!
4. Starving isn't pretty.
5. There are no bad foods. There are some not so hot foods.
6. I don't want to waste calories on food I don't like.
7. I don't want to eat food that makes me feel like taking a shower afterwards.
8. I LIKE fruits and veggies.
9. Eat your dessert first, if that's what you want.
10. Enjoy every sandwich.

Sunday

Sunday is grocery store day. If I go from 10:30 to 12:30, I can miss the church-goers and the people who don't go out Sunday morning because they don't want to admit they don't go to church. It's a really quiet time around here.

In order to do that, I need to plan my food-week.

I go back and forth on the plan the food week thing. Sometimes I get the whole family together and we brainstorm meal plans and make a week-long list. We have a fridge full of food, a menu for the week, a work schedule.. all pretty and color coded on a calendar. (I do love a color coded calendar.) Then Monday will come and one of us will say, "I really don't feel like tacos today." And the whole menu falls apart. I end up with a refrigerator full of mushy veggies.

My other food plan theory is to decide what to make in the afternoon & run by the store & the produce stand on the way home. Sometimes I go to the produce stand for inspiration. But then there are the days I don't feel like pulling off the road on the way home from work. Those are usually Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. And so the family sticks its collective head in the freezer and we eat frozen burritos, chicken nuggets, and mac & cheese.

The food plan that works best is in the middle. I buy Tyson grilled chicken strips, burritos, & hamburger for the freezer. I keep canned tuna and chicken on hand. I have frozen veggies and canned veggies. I have cheese, sour cream, yogurt & salad dressings. And of course, pasta, rice, couscous & bread.

Then I plan regular meal ideas & pick up the fresh stuff every other day or so. More fresh veggies, fewer mushed science projects.

An eating good stuff tip (although I don't know if it's a tip if it's this obvious): put the fresh fruit and veggies in an easily accessible place, even on the counter for the short term. I've had strawberries turn to science projects in the back of my fridge when if I'd put them on the top shelf or on the counter, they would have been gone in a day. What a waste.

Another: when the fruit is about to go and you can't convince anyone to eat it, throw it in a freezer bag & use it for smoothies later. I have enough bananas to make smoothies & banana bread for an army. Oh yeah, tip three: actually USE the frozen fruit.

Cravings

In Eating the Angel Way, Annie asked (among other things) what do you do about cravings?

There have been times in my life when I have had a box of Wedding Cookies, a large bag of peanut M & M's & a quart of ice cream on my bed behind my closed door, as I tried to make myself feel better. Other times there have been extra-large bags of Cheetos, pasta with mayonnaise (what?), & a bag of jelly beans.

I think I ate in secret, not because I was ashamed, but because I didn't want to share. When we were kids, Mom would divide the cookies into three boxes so my brother & sister & I wouldn't fight over them. Until she did that, I'd eat what I could before anyone else could get it, like a starved dog or a child of the street. Even though I knew there would always be more (no matter what Mom threatened.) It didn't make sense.

I makes less sense now that I buy the groceries and don't have to ask anyone or answer to anyone (shut up Bob, I'll eat as much ice cream as I freakin' want).

Then there were the days of diets, when I would not allow myself to eat certain things. Dry salads, toast with a teaspoon of peanut butter, a single hamburger patty with NOTHING. I shudder to think. And of course, the inevitable moment when I'd just go ahead and scarf the entire bag of crunchy Cheetos.

So now that I'm grown up (shut up!) I don't d-word. I don't have bad foods. I don't hoard food (no matter what anyone may think of the Pepperidge Farms macadamia nut cookies in my bra drawer --- hey! It's Pepperidge Farms. I bought the kids Oreos.) Any way... back to cravings.

On a side note... what's with these magazines and their "healthy substitutions"?

• Instead of an Extra Large Snickers Candy Bar, have a jelly bean, save a gazillion calories.
• Instead of scallops & shrimp with alfredo sauce and fettuccine, have a rice cake with plain tuna.
• Instead of homemade coffee ice cream, have a whole wheat cracker.

What the ??????

What I do now is think about my cravings. Do I want something sweet? Chocolate or jelly bean sweet? Salty or spicy? Crunchy or smooth? I spend a good bit of time imagining eating food, to figure out what it is that I really really want.

So, no, a whole wheat cracker won't do if I want a gallon of coffee ice cream. But a small cup might do. And a low-fat latte might also, but why bother? And if I want sour cream, I eat sour cream, but not a whole carton.

If I know what sensation I want, I can figure out how to get it without breaking the calorie bank, or my stomach. And so I don't do the serial binge... do I want chocolate? *Eat a Snickers* nope. do I want salty? *eat a bag of chips* nope. do I want creamy? *eat a jar of mayonnaise (What?)* oh yeah, that was it.

I still may eat for the wrong reasons. I still eat what I don't really want because it's there. Or on television. But at least I think about it.

Monday

At the risk of boring the hell out of everyone, this is what I've eaten today:

7:00 a.m. coffee
8:30 a.m. more coffee
12:30 1/2 a turkey & Swiss on some sort of whole wheat roll with mustard, lettuce, and tomato
carrot chips
diet Coke

I am feeling like death warmed over. It is rainy and actually COLD! outside. I am working on a tax return for a non-profit organization, and thinking how I can't possibly charge them what it's worth, because I'm a sucker.

I took my meds this morning (for low thyroid and high blood pressure) so there isn't a good reason for me to feel like crap, except maybe the pig with the runny nose I French-kissed over the weekend.

Oh well, back to work. I think I have some pineapple in the fridge.

Addendum (4:20 p.m.)

2:30 pineapple, blueberry, blackberry, & strawberry with plain lowfat yogurt
3:30 handful of snack mix (crunchy cheetoes, sun chips, pretzels, doritoes)
diet coke

Time to go home now. I think I'll crawl into bed and read more library books.

Following the rainbow... again

Monday I ate THREE whole rainbows. I was at work, so that's pretty impressive. I doubled the rainbow with a colorful tuna salad (tuna with red, yellow, & orange peppers & celery) on a colorful regular salad (romaine & radicchio, baby corn, grape tomatoes, & the pepper mix). For dinner I had mac&cheese with peas&carrots. I had vanilla yogurt with the dried rainbow muesli for breakfast. I'm pretty sure I got three rainbows all together.

I've managed a rainbow each of the other days.

It's easier to eat rainbows in the spring and summer. I visit the produce stand near work, or the well-stocked produce department at Bi-Lo. There is something about warm weather that makes me want to eat grapes, pears, peaches (I can't wait!), blueberries, strawberries....

I am going to explore the rainbow spices this week. Don't warn my kids.

Bless my heart...

OK, in my quest for quirky ways to get motivated, I've found www.flylady.com which is supposed to help me clean my house and improve my health. Cool, huh?

Anyway, May is move in May month or something like that. When you log in your minutes, they add it to everyone else's and tell you where you've gone. Cute, but I want to know where I've gone, not the 10 billion other people.

SOOOOO... I am walking to San Francisco. I can't find a cool Internet thingy that will let me pick where I live and where I want to go and let me fill in the miles as I go. Someone ought to make one of those. For free.

I have a map & mileage on an Excel spreadsheet. I am going to track my miles. Today I plan to walk about a mile. I think it will take me three years to get to San Francisco, but who knows, I might have some longer walks along the way. I don't want to blow my wad on the first day. :D

In other exciting news, I cleaned the bathroom while Gabe played in the tub. I feel soooo very GOOD, I think I'll take a nap.

The chart

I kept the food journal (more or less) for a week. It was not a good week.

I made a chart (using my ultra-fine sharpies) with the date, ROYGBiv, brown (grains & stuff), and white for protein. My husband glanced over and said, "kind of back loaded there, huh?" I nodded.

Last week, I ate a good bit of fruit, but the veggies were limited to squash casserole and green beans (cooked with pork) at Lizard's Thicket & the lettuce and tomato on the burgers and chicken sandwiches.

The brown was mostly whole grain, because that's what I eat. Well, except the white bread rolls for the burgers and the white pasta with the mac&cheese from Lizard's Thicket.

The protein, aside from the above mentioned burgers, as maybe not so bad. Lean, for the most part. Still... country fried steak probably is NOT on any angel's menu.

So this week, I am preparing good lunches for work so I won't be tempted to run to Hardee's. I am going to eat a good colorful breakfast. I have a muesli I made with dried bananas, cranberries, blueberries, raisins and dates. When I put it on yogurt with a little honey, it is really good (I'm not just saying that to make myself believe it) and it will keep me full most of the day. I also have whole wheat English muffins, peanut butter, and bananas. And then, for special occasions, breakfast burritos with egg, diced red, yellow, orange, & green peppers, & cheese. And a blueberry smoothie to get that elusive Biv in the day.

I have joined the 20th century (and can almost see the 21st) by purchasing a Blackberry curve. I am going to use it to keep track of my meals, as soon as I figure out how. Right now, I'm having a little trouble answering the phone.