What I can eat

I went to the doctor the other day because of some "issues" that showed up at my annual physical.  He asked if I had lost weight, or if my appetite was different.

"I said, well, yes, I've lost weight.  And my appetite is not as large as it used to be.  But..."

and I stopped.

"This is very important... " I really truly said.

"Unless I am about to die, if this is caused by illness, I do not want you to cure me until I lose another 20 or 30 lbs."

This is the thing:  I don't really feel sick except for some pesky heart burn.  I can't eat a whole lot at a time without becoming uncomfortable, but is that terrible?  I mean, I am 5'4".  I don't need a whole lot of calories.

And not being hungry makes it easier for me to choose better food.  I'm not starving.  I don't have to settle for the saltine crackers in the back of the cabinet.  I can take the time to think about what I want... to eat intuitively and not impulsively.

Since I don't recommend the "get sick and die" diet (I am not dying any more than usual, so don't freak out on me), how does this translate to real life eating?

I think it depends on you and your personality style.  One option is to plan meals in advance and have the food ready to be prepared and eaten.  Although you can't plan for what your body will really need, you do know that a nice mix of colors is good.  If you notice you are liking a lot of orange, plan for extra orange. 

I can't do that, though.  My mind revolts against pre-planning and order.  It's painful, since there is another part of my mind that would like to take a 2012 calendar and spend January 1st writing EVERYTHING that is going to happen all year long.  I'm still working on that... BUT...

My best option is to have a choice of healthy snacks that I really like, not the ones I'm supposed to like.  I am able to go by the grocery store on the way to work and buy fruit and veggies and something for lunch.  If I don't, I have peanut granola bars that will keep me from sucking down the saltines in the back of the cabinet.  And because I get full really fast, I make sure to pick protein & a variety of colors first.  I don't need the fillers as much right now, so I stay on the low end of number of servings of whole grain stuff.

This really sounds great when I write it out.  Isn't that cool?

Intuition or Indulgence?

Have you noticed that diets are about what you can't eat?  I hate to hear people say, "if it tastes good it must be bad for you."  And I feel sad when I see people who spend their entire life on a diet, in a constant battle with themselves, their desires, and their bodies.  Is that a way to live?

As we've said, Eating the Angel Way is about eating intuitively:  good food your body wants and needs.  But if you look up "intuitive eating" on the web, you'll see a lot of arguments against it.  The thought is that if we eat intuitively, we'll eat Snickers sandwiches and butter-cheese balls all day and all night.  Then we'll die.

As I see it, the problem here is semantics.  "Intuitive" does not mean "indulgent" or "urgent."  Eating intuitively doesn't mean eating whatever we feel the urge to eat.  Intuitive is eating what our bodies are really really telling us we want and need.  Intuition is a quiet internal voice. 

Indulgences or urges are most likely loud external voices.  The commercial on TV with piles and piles of pancakes covered in whipped cream and syrup in flavors like pumpkin and eggnog and extra chocolate chocolate pie.  The clock that says NOON which we know means lunch time.  The extra long barbecue buffet bar where we have to eat enough to make it worth the money.  The person who looks like our mother yelling at us, which makes us reach for the Chunky Monkey and pound bag of peanut m&ms.

And so, if I have the urge for a rooty-tooty-fresh-and-fruity pancake platter, I need to listen to my intuition.  I need to shut off the television, shut out the mother-like person yelling at me, turn away from the clock.  I need to ask, what do I really want?

Love?  A hug?  Something festive?  Something sweet?

And when I am getting hungry, I can think about what I want to eat.  I picture myself eating the pumpkin whipped cream pancake and bacon.  I think about the taste (hmmm, not what I'd hoped); I think about how I feel afterward (ooohhh... Alka Seltzer.  And Dawn to rinse the grease...).  I think, a spinach and strawberry salad with raspberry vinaigrette would be really good.  And a carrot cake cupcake with cream cheese icing.   And of course, I might think, yeah, I want the pumpkin whipped cream pancake.

I told you everything that's good isn't bad for you.

Angels in the bottom of the well

Yesterday I ate a not-outrageous amount of dark chocolate from France (which makes it better for you), a Chinese-like frozen lunch with lots of veggies, a bag of Frito's with French onion dip, a whole bunch of Popsicles, a half a blueberry Pop tart (cold) and yogurt.  This is not what you'd call a stellar angel-eating day, but it could be worse.  Really.

Back in the day, I would have eaten the tortilla chips, too.  Also, a pint of ice cream, a pound bag of peanut M&Ms, and a box of Danish Wedding Cookies.

But still, it's not what I'd like to eat.  Not just because it's "bad" food (there is no such thing as BAD FOOD, except maybe that fuzzy green thing in the back of the fridge).  Because right now I feel like a salty, soggy, gassy bag of rice.  And that's not what I want to feel like.

The other day I talked to a woman who said that if she ate one cookie, she'd go on a cookie binge & so she stayed away.  She even said that to her chocolate was like alcohol to an alcoholic.  And I almost said, "There is no bad food."  Fortunately, I had to finish chewing the macadamia nut and white chocolate cookie before I spoke and that gave me time to think a little.  And instead I nodded sympathetically and said, "You know what works for you."

That is what I want to say today.  I know what works for me, sort of.  I listen to Annie & Karen & Dr. Oz & Dr Ornish & even Oprah a little, and they, along with many others, give me insight and advice that is very helpful.  Sort of like a guide book or an Atlas. 

But the most important thing that I get from Annie & Karen is the admonishment to listen to my own body and to listen to the Angels.  Moderation seems to work for me right now, but that doesn't mean it will work for everyone.  It doesn't mean it will always work for me. 

Maybe my friend needs to listen to her Angels and find out why she is addicted.  But that's not for me.  Maybe I need to find out why Frito's and French onion dip seemed to be the answer to my job stress: that is for me. 

And maybe, while I sort through the job stress (still looking for a position as a hermit, FYI), I need to be a little more regimented in my eating.  Maybe I need to set the worry of what to eat aside.  Not a DIET, of course, just a plan that reminds me of the veggies & light protein I tend to forget.  A list of light comfort food so I can get through the day and not have the added stress of what to eat on my mind.  Food I like more than Frito's and French onion dip; food that doesn't make me feel like a soggy bag of rice.  Just a list to shake me out of my yucky food addiction phase.

We'll see, but that's what it sounds like my Angels are saying to me today.  And I really need the advice.

How did it happen?

So, how did I start losing weight without drugs, strict diet plans, or vomiting?


I began eating the angel way.  Very slowly.

http://eatingtheangelway.blogspot.com/p/10-angel-way-guidelines.html


I've been talking about eating the angel way, but because one doesn't lose 30 lbs a month or anything exciting like that, people just sort of smiled and nodded.  And were grateful that I don't tell them what to eat.


But this is what has happened for me.


At first, I added a rainbow or two a day.  I'd think about what I was going to eat, whether it was a pot luck lunch after church or the breakfast bar at Shoney's or dinner at home.  I think about adding different colors, I'm finally OK with not having a rainbow in EVERY meal, but I like to add different things.


At first, I didn't really stop eating stuff.  I ate cheese burgers from Hardees when my boss did a food run.  I still ate fried fish and chips or chicken tenders with fries, or fries with fries. 


And then, I started running out of room for the rainbows and the other stuff.  I started thinking about light proteins (white food) that didn't over power the rainbows.  I discovered Greek yogurt.  THAT was a red letter day.


I'd have to plan meals that my family would eat.  They were OK with adding veggies and fruits, but still wanted hamburger or fried chicken or something.  Then two things happened, and so I'm not sure which had a bigger effect. 


I realized I had to eat for myself, not for others (one of the ETAW rules).  If I like pickled beets and Greek yogurt, I should eat them.  If I don't want fries with that, I shouldn't eat them.  And all meals didn't have to be meat and three (starches) with more meat on the side.  It was time for them to eat like me for a change.  Or not, they know how to cook.


The second thing is that my husband got test results and his cholesterol was awful.  And being the orderly thinking type person he is, he changed his eating habits, right then and there.  He is now addicted to Greek yogurt.  He often throws a fillet of salmon and two veggies on a plate and microwaves it.  He is learning that moderation is OK and doesn't beat himself up if he has a piece of fried chicken at the picnic.  He has learned that one piece tastes as good as 10.  

During the last tax season, instead of burgers and fries or steak egg and cheese biscuits, I ate yogurt, cheese and crackers, veggies and humus, rainbow chili, and all kinds of things.  I have an occasional chili dog but mostly I don't eat fast food.  Wendy's salads or chili and baked potato are about the only thing I'll do now.  I still think baked macaroni and cheese is the best food ever.  Throw in diced peppers, corn, shredded carrots, and purple onions and serve it as the main course, and you're humming with the angels.

The biggest thing is that I eat to feel good.  I eat what I need.  Intuitive eating doesn't mean eat whatever the hell you want, because we have to learn to be intuitive.  (Yeah, counter intuitive, I know.)  Said another way, we have to unlearn not being intuitive.  We have to unlearn that visceral response to a television add with a great big piece of greasy chicken --- no it is not yummy.  As my brother has said, "It makes you feel like you should wash your face in Dawn."  And just because it's good for you doesn't mean it tastes bad.  Why do we keep saying that?

I'll tirade more later... I'm sure you can't wait.

When did that happen?

I have said many times that I don't DIET.  It's a bad word that is chocked full of calories, at least in my case.  I hear the word and gain weight. 


It's not about weight, I say, stepping off the scale.  It's about health.  And mine is OK... really.  All right, I'm tired, my blood pressure is high, I can't walk a mile in any one's shoes, ... did I mention that I'm tired?  But at least I've got my health... sort of.


And so, we ask, how, after the stresses of holidays followed rapidly by tax season followed by trying to catch up on my life after tax season, do I find myself here:  I've lost two & a half clothing sizes in the last year.  Three and half in the last three years.  AND I EAT ALL THE TIME.


OK, the first possibility is that I was not wearing the right size.  In my mind, I am always the same size.  Y'know what I mean?  That is usually FAT.  So I buy the same size clothes until they (almost literally) fall off my body.


This is me in 2007, at the baby shower for my first grandson:

I was either a size 18 or 20.  I have a picture from when Gabe was about 18-months (2009) in which I look more like the Michelin man (as my poor husband said in an unguarded moment, bless his heart).


Last year, I started wearing size 16, which was so cool for me I almost cried in the dressing room.  As anyone who's been there knows, 16 is in the normal ladies department; 18 is in the fat ladies department.  Sixteen is in Coldwater Creek.  Sixteen is sweet!


And this year, I noticed the 16s were a little loose.  OK, I have a flat butt.  It's genetic.  Flat is kind.  It's more like non-existent.  Except, in my case, flat and wide.  But recently, not so wide.


Then one day during tax season, I was wearing my favorite black size 18 jeans.  And they kept sliding down.  Far.  And my cotton granny pants were not meant to peak over the back of my jeans.  Ever.


And so, I drove to Walmart, tried on a pair of size 14 jeans (with a little stretch), and THEY FIT.  I didn't even have to lie down on the floor of the changing room to zip them!  To make it even better, if I buy the Petite size, I wear 12.


I am so excited I think I'll blog about it.  Oh wait, I did.


So now you are thinking, What?  I lost 10 pounds in two weeks.  Gained 20 back the next week, but that's how it works.  Three years, Kathy, you say.  Three years.


And I say, "Yeah!  And I didn't diet.  And although I joined a gym, I didn't go."  (I'm not advocating that --- I really am going to start going next week.  Really.)


So what happened?  Pills?  Surgery?  Bulimia?


NO!!!!   I started Eating the Angel Way!!!! 


I'll go into more excruciating detail tomorrow.... cause it's too good not to share.

I just like to eat

In my perfect world, I can eat anything I want and not gain weight, not feel like washing my face with Dawn, not drag around like a slug all day.  In my perfect world, I sprint from my bed to my shower to my day...


In my real world, I eat broccoli and cottage cheese while drooling over my lunch mate's chili dog.    I drag my sorry butt to the gym and beat my muscles into submission with the help of Dusty the S&M personal trainer.


Well, not me, as anyone who has ever seen me knows, but I do know people who do some or all of those things.  And some of them look mahvelous.  Sad, but mahvelous. 


I'm the lunch mate with the chili dog.  I gain weight when I walk by the Krispie Kreme store.  I sprint to my car and hunt for the closest parking place wherever I go.


Or at least, that's how I USED to be.  Now I eat chili dogs, fried fish, and 1 lb bags of peanut M&Ms very rarely.  I don't really sprint anywhere yet, but I do park further away than I have to.  And I eat at least one rainbow a day.  I've lost three pants sizes in the last year.  I need a new (smaller) bra.  Which is a good thing for me.


And this is what I did not do:

• I did not go to the gym even though I paid a boat load of money to join.
• I did not stop eating greasy, fatty, yummy foods all of a sudden one day.
• I did not start my DIET with a pocket full of will power & a Jillian Michael's DVD.

This is what I did:


I started small. 

Really small.  I have a dozen or so little note books and sticky notes with bits of my "diet journal."  What I ate.  What I wanted to eat.  It's interesting that these written records all seem to be of days that did NOT include the chili dog or fried okra special.  Hmmm...

I ate a rainbow a day.

When I started, I started by adding the rainbow without really taking away the chili dogs.  So I'd put a rainbow salsa on my chili dog.  I ate Greek yogurt with a rainbow of dried fruit, honey and oatmeal for breakfast.  When I went to a party or a pot luck or a restaurant, I'd think rainbow.  I still had a lot of "brown" food, but I was filling up with the rainbow.  As time went on, the rainbow and white light food took a larger share of my menu.  I was able to convert my family from white rice and pasta to whole grains.   My family was a little put off by some of my attempts to add color, although in the end, the blue potatoes are very popular.  And it's not that hard to chop peppers, onions, tomatoes, and corn and add them to salad, stew, chili, whatever.

I ate a white light protein at every meal.

Mostly.  I'm addicted to Greek yogurt now, and add it to just about everything.  We eat a lot of fish.  I will eat chicken if I can find organic chicken.  And we still eat beef and pork, but it is no longer assumed that that will be dinner.  My husband and I try to take lunch to work which saves money and gives us more control.  When we eat out, we think about what we want.  It has been a lot easier to do this since Bob decided he needed to eat better...

Which leads us to another guideline: men are like raindrops & women are like snowflakes.

Bob has no problem dropping the bread and butter, and seems to be able to follow the doctor's vague guidelines and lose weight without trouble.  I have thin friends who eat white bread and mayonnaise sandwiches.  I followed the South Beach diet and gained 20 lbs.  There are just too many variables, and so I had to learn not to look at others and what they eat, but think of what I need.

Moving on, I have learned to eat brown foods with awareness.

I still eat pasta, but not nearly as much and usually whole wheat.  I've eaten whole grain bread since I was a kid, but now I aim for artisan bread.  Go for the good stuff, if I'm going to eat it.  Like blue potatoes and yellow tomatoes, my family has been bewildered by quinoa and other interesting grains, but they are troopers.  And Joseph has a car and his own money.

Everyone needs a little sweetness and a little cushion.

When I was pregnant with Mark, I got a mild case of gestational diabetes.  I didn't need to test my blood, but I saw a nutritionist who helped me plan my meals so the baby and I would both make it through the pregnancy in good health.  One thing that she told me was that I could eat two pieces of fruit a day, but not first thing in the morning and always with protein.  I relished those two pieces of fruit as if they were hot fudge sundaes.  And now, although there are times when only a Snickers bar will do, I often get the sweet from fruits in yogurt or alone.  And I know that the Snickers bar is ok too. 

I learned to eat like a baby.

No, I don't eat mashed peas or spit my food at anyone.  I have finger painted with food, but that was a little different.  I eat when I'm hungry and not when the clock says to eat.  I quit when I'm full.  I resigned from the clean plate club, but I do try to only put a little on the plate at a time so I don't freak out my inner puritan by wasting food.

I try to eat as organically and locally as possible.

With so many things available year round, this is sometimes hard.  Then I channel my mother and remember that out of season fruits and veggies don't taste as good and they are expensive.  I do use frozen food and canned food with less salt.  Living in SC, there are fresh fruits and veggies all year round, so we use those.  This is a transitional thing for me.  We're still working on it.

I've kept a diary, but I lie in it.  And I'm very gentle with myself. 

This is for the long haul.

What you eat is up to you.

This is the second guideline, but I left it for last because this has been the most recent understanding for me.  I have eaten food I didn't like and that wasn't good for me because it was served.  I have prepared or not prepared food because of the likes and dislikes of my husband and children rather than my own.  I have eaten cheeseburgers because I don't want to hurt someones feelings.  I have had "one more piece of pie" because I was told it would only go to waste.

And then (last month, I think) someone said, "you get to choose what you eat."  And finally I heard it.  And now I pass on the office donuts and say no thank you to the sausage biscuit I didn't ask for.  I eat super salads and ignore the comments about how little I'm eating (really.  Look at me.  Am I starving?)  I eat Snickers bars, too, when I want to.  I eat what I want to eat and I don't apologize.  Much.  And I think this is what has helped me break through my emotional eating/ personality eating/ whatever eating.  And now I eat because it is yummy (even if it doesn't make me wash my face with Dawn) and it is what my body needs right now.

http://eatingtheangelway.blogspot.com/

Eating... the Angel Way: Prizes! There will be prizes!

Eating... the Angel Way: Prizes! There will be prizes!

Prizes are good, of course, but not as good as the intrinsic value of eating the angel way. At least that's what I tell my children.

Eating the Angel Way Guidelines

http://eatingtheangelway.blogspot.com/p/10-angel-way-guidelines.html

Annie and Karen have listed the 10 etaw guidelines in a very convenient, clear list that you can print out for your refrigerator or wallet. 

Today I am going to think about these things & it is to be hoped that my day won't suck as bad as they have been.  I hope your day doesn't suck either.

Eating the Angel Way in times of stress

Let's be real.  When I am tired, when I have a pile of papers on my desk that all insist on immediate attention, when I have to talk to human beings more than once or twice a day, I am stressed.  And when I am stressed and hungry, I don't think broiled fish with spinach & horseradish with brown rice.  I think chili cheese dog.  And then I feel yucky and stressed.


And we call that Tax Season.


As Annie, Karen, and other brilliant people have said, when you are stressed, you need a layer of comfort, and you need a little sweetness.  But remember that a layer of comfort is not necessarily a pound of mashed potatoes and a little sweetness is not necessarily a pint of ice cream.  And never mix them --- I learned that the hard way.


One thing I've gotten from Eating the Angel Way on a fairly regular basis is a new perspective.  It's shifted my paradigm!  (I haven't used that word this year, so I just threw it in.)  Now, when I'm stressed and need a layer of comfort and sweetness, I often DO think of Greek yogurt with blueberries.  And I savor it like those chicks on the TV ads who get paid to eat yogurt and look like they are having an orgasm.  And I feel satisfied and NOT YUCKY.  I get the layer of comfort without the layer of grease.  What can I say?


I do keep Hershey's kisses in the office too.  Sometimes I want a little milk chocolate, and since I've quit saying no to my ornery self, I've been able to eat one or two pieces rather than a whole bag.  And believe it or not, there are days I don't eat any at all.


I feel better grounded in Eating the Angel Way right now, and I'm hoping that grounding will help me pick the right comfort and the right sweetness for me.  And if that is occasionally a bowl of mashed potatoes topped with ice cream, then so be it.  But only occasionally.